I think I may have hit my burn-out point.....
On more than one occasion, I have been accused of "burning the candle on both ends." *shudder* I know! Me!? Who do they think they are?!
But seriously.
I know my limitations, and yet I continually push them. I feel like I must be going at 90mph at all times to be 'gainfully engaged' or I'm letting valuable time pass right by. Now I am 27 and I can't really remember where the last 6 years went. Don't get me wrong. I remember some events with exquisite detail; like the birth of my children, graduating, getting commissioned. But overall, the time just disappeared without so much as a memo or thank you note. Between motherhood, womanhood, school, work, volunteer, military duty, wedding planning, and just a few other things, I think I might need to go ahead and purchase that day planner I've been eyeing. Especially seeing as I am succumbing to the mountains of Post-it notes that do not seem to be cutting it anymore.
All that to say, I will likely continue burning at both ends but it's because I see how precious life is. I want to soak up every minute, every detail, every opportunity. I know I will likely drive myself (and many around me) mad because of my inability to NOT go ten different directions at once. How amazing is life though? My sense of excitement is only renewed by the wonderment and curiosity of my children.
Why yes Lily! We SHOULD barrel through that puddle at full speed. Who cares that we have our good shoes on. Let's live a little!
*note to self, I'm gonna need to get new shoes. SHOPPING!!!!
This sort of cavalier attitude is only exacerbated by the impending holidays, mind you. My friends have managed to figure out NOT to take me shopping because I MUST stop and see every shiny detail and sparkle. And yes. I MUST sing Deck the Halls at the very top of my lungs in the middle of Penn Square while sitting on Santa's lap. Christmas only happens once a year and I'm going to milk it for every ounce it's worth.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Before the birthday....
Sorry. I got caught up in character. :-) We just celebrated Ella's (aka "Daredevil") 3rd birthday recently and what did she want for her party? Princess? No. My Little Pony? Nu-uh. Surely SOMETHING pink!? Never. My beautiful doll of a child wanted to be a pirate. Yep. Good ol' Jolly Roger. Don't get me wrong...she rocked the hell out of it. (<----can I say hell?) But when a mom thinks about having a baby girl, Captain Hook isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind.
Then again, this child has been anything but typical. She is the polar opposite of her 5yo sister Lily (aka "Diva.") Lily was conceived first month trying, ideal pregnancy, no complications, slept through the night at 4 weeks, giggly happy baby. Ella? It took the Magic Kingdom on Valentine's Day where our family was on vacation during a geographic separation (thanks to the military) in which I only saw my then husband twice a month. Almost a year after continually trying, we had pretty much given up and thought we were just gonna get one. Cue my obstinate lil' Scorpio. I can just hear her now, "I'll come when I'm good and damn ready." Even now, her favorite saying is "NO! I do it myself." If I had a nickel....
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the holidays!
I absolutely LOVE this time of year. Everyone is a little bit nicer, the chill is setting in, parties are planned, loved ones called. I could go on and on. I just get so darned excited about all of it. The little girl in me is let free!
Much of this newfound joy for the Holidays is because I am now a mother. Nothing makes me happier than seeing joy in my childrens' face and see them light up when we make holiday candy or put up the tree, or especially when Ella (my 3 yo) sees the Thanksgiving feast on the table. (she LOVES to eat.) Having kids in the home brings back that wonderment I remember feeling as a child. Things are a little different now though. I grew up rather poor. Gifts were often small or homemade but there was always something under the tree come Christmas morning. And my mom could make a feast when there was only a few items in the pantry. I still don't know how she did it. Now that I am a mother, I can only imagine the dissappointment she felt not being able to give us everything she wanted to because she didn't have the money. But truthfully, the best memories I have are from when we were the poorest.
Thankfully, I haven't found myself in that position as an adult or mother. I am able to provide more than enough for my children. Matter of fact, I have to remind myself that it isn't necessarily a good thing to give them everything they want. I tend to overcompensate for my childhood (or lack thereof) and splurge on them. But I know that being a good parent means doing the best for them, not necessarily doing everything for them.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be wonderful this year. We have a new house to celebrate it in. Friends that have become the family I always wanted, especially seeing as we have no family in Oklahoma. I'm excited about the future because I am finally in a place I want to be in life. And what better time to celebrate that than the holidays!
Much of this newfound joy for the Holidays is because I am now a mother. Nothing makes me happier than seeing joy in my childrens' face and see them light up when we make holiday candy or put up the tree, or especially when Ella (my 3 yo) sees the Thanksgiving feast on the table. (she LOVES to eat.) Having kids in the home brings back that wonderment I remember feeling as a child. Things are a little different now though. I grew up rather poor. Gifts were often small or homemade but there was always something under the tree come Christmas morning. And my mom could make a feast when there was only a few items in the pantry. I still don't know how she did it. Now that I am a mother, I can only imagine the dissappointment she felt not being able to give us everything she wanted to because she didn't have the money. But truthfully, the best memories I have are from when we were the poorest.
Thankfully, I haven't found myself in that position as an adult or mother. I am able to provide more than enough for my children. Matter of fact, I have to remind myself that it isn't necessarily a good thing to give them everything they want. I tend to overcompensate for my childhood (or lack thereof) and splurge on them. But I know that being a good parent means doing the best for them, not necessarily doing everything for them.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be wonderful this year. We have a new house to celebrate it in. Friends that have become the family I always wanted, especially seeing as we have no family in Oklahoma. I'm excited about the future because I am finally in a place I want to be in life. And what better time to celebrate that than the holidays!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Halloween 2010 (in retrospect)
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays along with being my littlest one's birthday. (right after Christmas, Valentine's, Easter, July 4th, and of course, my birthday.) :-) Simply put, I love every holiday as it gives me a reason to either eat, dress up or get shiny new things. I'm a kid at heart, what can I say?
But this Halloween is a no-go. I spent it at the ICU with my mom (the doctors still don't know what's going on as of this morning.) I got curt with nursing staff and doctors alike because no one could tell me anything, namely what they were doing for my mom. I guess that would make my costume this year officially the Witch (with a capital B.) Ask me if I care? Big. Fat. NOPE. It's my mom. She's too passive to speak up because she feels uncomfortable (along with being ill.) Well, I didn't sign 6 years of my life away and give thousands upon thousands of dollars for a piece of paper to not speak up, especially seeing as my masters is Healthcare Administration. Bring it on Nurse Rachett. It's go time.
As if that wasn't bad enough, my children's father called on Saturday (after I spent most of the day traveling to Houston from OKC) asking what he is supposed to do because Miss Ella's (my youngest) arm was 'hurt.' What do you mean 'hurt?' And why don't you know what to do!? Call the doctor! Take her to the ER! HOLD ON ELLA! MOMMA'S COMING!!!! Thus began the turn and burn journey right back to OKC.
Oh crap. I still have homework to do. And there are bags of candy EVERYWHERE because I wasn't here to hand it out to the neighborhood ghosts, goblins and superheroes. This does not bode well for my impending PT test. But that chocolate looks sooooooo good. And I've more than earned it for this past weekend....right? Right.
HELLO November: The month of thankfulness. I'll begin with being thankful for this very large bag of Kit-kats.
But this Halloween is a no-go. I spent it at the ICU with my mom (the doctors still don't know what's going on as of this morning.) I got curt with nursing staff and doctors alike because no one could tell me anything, namely what they were doing for my mom. I guess that would make my costume this year officially the Witch (with a capital B.) Ask me if I care? Big. Fat. NOPE. It's my mom. She's too passive to speak up because she feels uncomfortable (along with being ill.) Well, I didn't sign 6 years of my life away and give thousands upon thousands of dollars for a piece of paper to not speak up, especially seeing as my masters is Healthcare Administration. Bring it on Nurse Rachett. It's go time.
As if that wasn't bad enough, my children's father called on Saturday (after I spent most of the day traveling to Houston from OKC) asking what he is supposed to do because Miss Ella's (my youngest) arm was 'hurt.' What do you mean 'hurt?' And why don't you know what to do!? Call the doctor! Take her to the ER! HOLD ON ELLA! MOMMA'S COMING!!!! Thus began the turn and burn journey right back to OKC.
Oh crap. I still have homework to do. And there are bags of candy EVERYWHERE because I wasn't here to hand it out to the neighborhood ghosts, goblins and superheroes. This does not bode well for my impending PT test. But that chocolate looks sooooooo good. And I've more than earned it for this past weekend....right? Right.
HELLO November: The month of thankfulness. I'll begin with being thankful for this very large bag of Kit-kats.
Monday, October 25, 2010
My first official post
For my first post, I'm focusing on being a working/adult student (shout out PubRel Class @ OCU.)
I have been in school...well, for as long as I can remember. I think I tried taking over kindergarten on day 2 because knowing my 1-10 in Spanish just was not as important as station play in my opinion. (I still firmly hold to that belief to this day, sorry Ms. Germany.)
I was fortunate enough to have my education paid for by joining the Air Force and getting the GI Bill. This fortune was not without sacrifices mind you. I've had to take night, weekend and online classes mostly to accommodate my family, but I've always managed to stay in school. Truthfully, it's the persistence that has set me apart from many of my peers. When it got too tough and it would have been easier to just throw in the towel, I did not. I kept pressing on. (go army.) Now 27 years old and two kids later, I am working on my second bachelor's degree and hold a Masters in Healthcare Administration. I would like to think I'm a super genius or prodigy, but sadly, that (along with my childhood dream of being the Queen of England) is not the case. It all comes down to simply sticking with a personal goal. Next goal: law school or PhD.
I had the privilege of giving advice to a younger friend struggling with finding her 'path.' I told her the best place to start was a classroom. Worst case: you rule out a discipline you don't want to major in, but at least you have 3 hours to show for it. Most importantly, you have something that no one can take away from you, education. Learning keeps you young, keeps you thinking, keeps you moving. What a dreadful life to live when we stop being curious and lose our sense of wonderment.
“If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people”
~Chinese Proverb
I have been in school...well, for as long as I can remember. I think I tried taking over kindergarten on day 2 because knowing my 1-10 in Spanish just was not as important as station play in my opinion. (I still firmly hold to that belief to this day, sorry Ms. Germany.)
I was fortunate enough to have my education paid for by joining the Air Force and getting the GI Bill. This fortune was not without sacrifices mind you. I've had to take night, weekend and online classes mostly to accommodate my family, but I've always managed to stay in school. Truthfully, it's the persistence that has set me apart from many of my peers. When it got too tough and it would have been easier to just throw in the towel, I did not. I kept pressing on. (go army.) Now 27 years old and two kids later, I am working on my second bachelor's degree and hold a Masters in Healthcare Administration. I would like to think I'm a super genius or prodigy, but sadly, that (along with my childhood dream of being the Queen of England) is not the case. It all comes down to simply sticking with a personal goal. Next goal: law school or PhD.
I had the privilege of giving advice to a younger friend struggling with finding her 'path.' I told her the best place to start was a classroom. Worst case: you rule out a discipline you don't want to major in, but at least you have 3 hours to show for it. Most importantly, you have something that no one can take away from you, education. Learning keeps you young, keeps you thinking, keeps you moving. What a dreadful life to live when we stop being curious and lose our sense of wonderment.
“If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people”
~Chinese Proverb
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